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Thursday, February 1, 2018

INTERROGATING THE INTERROGATOR

INTERROGATING THE INTERROGATOR

On his blog today, Mark Hatmaker interviews me about the professional interrogator side of my life...A different perspective from my writing life...

With this wealth of experience in mind, what I want to hone in on is how we the common everyday Joe can see the world and our interactions with our fellow humans a bit more through your interrogator’s eyes. With that said, let me ask, have you found that your skills in the professional sense have had a bleed-over into your everyday personal interactions outside the job? If so, can you provide a few examples?

The harsh fact is everybody lies on average seven times a day. Most of these are small, white lies, which have become so automatic they no longer register. When was the last time you actually read all those Terms& Conditions? But I bet you regularly check the box saying you did. What husband hasn’t ducked for cover behind a lie when confronted with the question, Honey, do these pants make me look fat? These types of lies are relatively harmless. We accept them in stride, but they add up and provide us with the justification for larger lies.

As an expert in deception detection, I am acutely, empathically, aware of emotional bleed from everyone around me. I also pick up on tone and intonation like hearing fingernails on a chalkboard—not what is said, but the truth in the way it is said. If I called everyone in my private life on their lies, I’d have no friends left.

A core tenet of interaction is not simply being able to divine message, spoken and unspoken, but to put the person across from us at ease. What advice would you offer to the reader to better put the people we interact with every day in a better communication light? 

If I bring judgement into the interrogation room, the suspect is going to immediately sense it on a subconscious level. It’s hard to push judgement aside when we are dealing with people who are close to us, but it is necessary to the process. The same thing applies to personal agendas or blindly twisting the facts to fit a preconceived theory. Our natural tendencies to these behaviors has to be recognized and removed as barriers to communication.

To really communicate, we have to get out of the way of our ego. Are you consciously making the effort to listen to what somebody is saying, or are you just waiting fo your turn to talk? After you have listened to somebody consider paraphrasing back to them what you think they said. This shows the other person they have actually been heard, and allows for any corrections due to miscommunication.
 

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